The Come Back
I have been getting a lot of scoldings for not blogging for ages some time. Well, my blog, my timing! Just kidding. The fact is I’m quite lazy to blog after the hype of having a new blog. I turned 20 about half a month ago and as I age I start to look at blogging differently. Before this I used to see it as an obligation, at least to myself to blog so that people can see what I write and give comments on what I have written. This makes me no difference with Kenny Sia if I do that (if only I can be that good).
Anyway, blogging to me now is to express my own personal feelings and also to share God’s word and glory to others. Many times I have a very strong urge to blog about something God has spoken to me because I know there are some people out there who need to get to know about the same thing. And many times, I was lazy. I repent.
Many things have been bugging me recently. Exams, ministry, church, friends etc. Well, what often bothers my attention and concentration the most was the ministry I am currently serving in. Yes, that’s right. The worship ministry in Paradise Church Oxygen. To those who don’t know what Oxygen is, this is an international student’s ministry under Paradise Community Church, Australia.
If you have no time for my grandfather story full of sentences that was left hanging and doesn’t make sense, please read the summary at the end of this blog. =P
What bothered me? Mainly as I grow as a guitarist regardless of whether I am playing in church or not, I get exposed to a lot of different sound and music and I am very interested in getting nice sound and settings (who doesn’t?). And I have to admit that in my growth as a guitarist a lot of times I swayed my way. Well, not in a bad way such as listening to black metal or anti-Christ music by Marilyn Manson. I remember making a promise to myself as well as to God when I got my Ibanez that my focus on music will be entirely on His kingdom and glory. The main reason I want to have such a good guitar is that I want to serve better in His ministry and bring glory to His name. I tried very hard to improve myself, exposing myself to all kinds of guitar stuff I can get. With this, the commitment I made slowly faded from my mind. To those who know me, I am a big fan of Joe Satriani.
In my ‘quest’ of ‘improving’ my guitar skills, unconsciously I turned my focus to music like Joe Satriani’s with crazy long 10-minute high speed guitar solo. I defined good guitarists are those who can solo like no body’s business up and down the neck. By that, I started to tweak my guitar settings and sound towards that of Joe Satriani’s.
I’m not saying that Joe Satriani’s music are bad. In fact I am still a big fan of him. But as I drift away from my initial purpose and commitment of having good guitar, amp and pedals, I started to realize that playing guitar is more and more performance based and for self-glory. Sound mans in Oxygen like Zie and Don and my good friend and also a guitarist in Oxygen – Andrew often reminds me that what my guitar sounds like is very ‘rockish’ or ‘metallish’ and doesn’t really suit the praise and worship in church. Also Shee Laine that often say that I am obsessed with all the guitar stuff. I have to admit that at first I was quite pissed by those comments. My settings are those of classic rock musics. Guitarists in the world love that tone. What do you mean that they are not suitable? And a lot of times I asked God what is wrong and recently God just convicted me about what my commitments were for having good instruments and gears. I start to realize how foolish I was. God just brought me back to the reality and my purpose of having this guitar and all the pedals that I have as well as the new amp that God has blessed me. I am supposed to glorify God with these good instruments and equipments and not to pursue idols in the world. I am really thankful to those who commented on my sound in church. I believe that God had placed all of you in that position as part of His plan to bring me back to my ultimate purpose that God has for me.
Alright, back to growing as a guitarist, now a church guitarist. I am not saying that as a church guitarist devoting all that I have to God meaning that I cannot listen to circular music or play songs other than church songs. It is the priority in the heart that makes the difference. Before this I put priority in learning all the technical stuff and Joe Satriani, Steve Vai or whoever’s songs to ‘improve’ and show that I am a good guitarist. Now I find all these foolish, childish and immature. It doesn’t matter to me anymore if I am the best guitarist in the world, the fastest guitarist in the world or the lousiest guitarist or slowest guitarist in the world. With all that I have, I believe that God has provided and made way for me and He will continue to guide me in this ministry of His. I just want to devote and commit my guitar, my pedals, my amp, my guitar skill and all that I have to God again. This time not only with my mind, but with my spirit, soul and heart. Playing guitar is no longer just playing guitar for me. It is part of spiritual growth as well to me as God bring me higher by playing guitar to glorify His name. Whatever God has given me, I want to make full use of it, to bring glory and praise to His name.
It came to my realization also that playing guitar in the church band is part of worshipping. I was always very focused on the playing and technical stuffs of the songs that all I do on stage are performances and not praise and worship. When Sheena and David said that because we worship, we play our instruments, not the other way round. What they said really struck my heart about serving in the ministry. Am I serving with the right attitude and focus? Is my purpose for serving in this ministry in line with what God wants? I remember in Oxygen camp also Sheena reminded us : ‘Do not forget to play our instruments while worshiping’ and not the other way round.
I pray that God forgive my stubbornness and my ignorance all this time and help me to focus in Him everything that I do, not only while serving in the ministry and playing guitar. As I pray that God will lead me to His purpose my me serving in this worship ministry and as I recommit myself to God in my ministry, I believe that there is a fresh start for me and God will be there leading me.
I wanna praise and worship God by playing guitar!
(P/S: Sorry if there were any sentences that doesn’t make sense or paragraphs that were hanging. I am not a good writer in expressing all these things and it’s late at night.)
Summary: I have been drifted away from my purpose of having a good guitar and equipments – that is to serve God in church as an electric guitarist and I want to come back to God asking Him to lead me in the right way and teach me the right attitude to serve Him in His ministry as my purpose of playing guitar is for the glory of His kingdom. =)
