Life is more than making money. Period.
Before this I was so enthusiastic about getting a job here during summer, earn a lot of money and wanted to have an easier life next year. That was my way too early 2009 new year resolution made in 2008. No doubt all students have issues with money. Guess if it isn’t managed well, it will continue to be an issue even if I became the CEO of Santos that earns like 2 million freaking dollars a year. But it is just hard to just survive the pathetic amount of money Petronas gives us as allowance. Say I’m ungrateful and all the crap (I wonder why I get this a lot from fellow Petronas scholars). Face the fact, the amount is barely enough. Living tight is the only way to deal with this tight budget. If you can make it through monthly with this amount, good on you, God bless you. But not for me. So why bother flaring me with all the ungrateful bull-crap?
Anyway, don’t want to get too personal here. I’ve got a job throughout summer in Santos. They pay me well, treat me well, I’m not in lack. But I still feel there is something missing. Friends, I have them here. Andrew, Ruey, Yun, Delia, David and a lot more guys have been giving me support. Thanks guys! I have the things I want here. But then I start to think to myself, now what? Finally I’ve come to a realization, that what I am truely missing is life. I want to go home and spend time with my family. I want to stay at home and feel the comfort of home. I want to sometimes travel to JB and look for my dear. I want to hang out with my bunch of friends, like Bernard, Phillip, Clement, Abelene, Naomi, Phoebe, Chew Ming and so many more. There is more to life than just wanting to earn and save a lot of money so that life would be easier next year. It is more than being able to not worry about money. Money is not everything.
Perhaps I got the whole idea wrong since the start. Money shouldn’t be my only focus throughout the whole thing that I’m doing right now. There must be more to that. If not, this whole things is just shallow and meaningless. I’m sure God blessed me with this amazing opportunity for my own good. I’m sure He wanted to teach me something out of this. Maybe this is what He wanted me to realize. I’ve to admit that I haven’t been listening for a long time and I really miss Him. I miss the moments when Jesus or the Holy Spirit would just whisper words into my heart, that makes me feel so comforted and strong. I miss being so close to Him. I want to go back to my first love, to get back close to my heavenly Father again. I need to listen again. Listening to all the christian songs doesn’t mean listening to God at all. I want to listen to what God has to say to me personally.
I’ve changed my 2009 resolution. To get back closer to Jesus, to get the most out of life, to cherish what I have in life and appreciate them (like the love I found with Shee Laine, my family), to cherish the relationship I have with the people around me and to manage my money well, rather than earning more and more but losing more and more at the same time.
Now this, is life.